A PART 2 on the Letter of Things I Wish I Told my Younger Self. Here's PART 1 if haven't checked it out yet!
1. Don’t lie to yourself: For a long time, I was in denial of the multiple layers of insecurity I had. I was too ashamed of even talking about them to family and friends because I felt that the people I love would start looking at me differently:- they’d love me less. But that’s not true. One of my coping mechanisms when I saw someone/something who made me feel insecure about myself was to find faults in them, so I’d start to feel better. But it rarely works that way, noh? It just put me in vicious loop of self-sabotage. So look your insecurities in the eye, so you can truly heal from them.
2. Your power lies within yourself: every time I vied for attention and approval from people I loved, I felt this pit in my stomach, this hollow feeling, a feeling of emptiness waiting to be filled. Little did I know that the only person I needed approval from was myself. Once I started approving myself, I felt a wave take over me, engulf me in its cool embrace. All this time I thought fitting in, appealing to others, saying certain things, looking a certain way will get me what I want to hear, but all I ever wanted to hear is ‘I AM ENOUGH’ and the only gal I wanted to hear it from is myself.
Pro tip: You don’t have to edit every video your record or sentence you type, so it sounds more ‘perfect’, more ‘intellectual’
3. Always be authentic: don’t make things up just to fit in! Your story doesn’t have to be amplified or modified to deserve acknowledgement, acceptance and/or appreciation. You don’t have to always sound SMART. Your story is NOT ‘too basic’, its NOT ‘too obvious’! Its not true that people would not want to listen to, understand or engage with it. Tell your story the way it is. The world is ready for it! (You have no idea how many people it can touch!)
4. Be easy on yourself: I recently stumbled on this very meaningful quote, and I have never related to anything more- Those who really love you will not feel burdened when you share your pain, they’d be saddened to know you went through it alone.
I recently watched a clip from Lili Reinhart’s interview in which she opened up about not always feeling happy. It stuck with me- I understood her, but I never thought anyone would understand me. I had a million pre-conceived notions on how my loved ones would take it- ‘they’d only judge you, and that will bring you down only further, and you don’t want that!’, I said to myself. I could not be more wrong! - Opening up to my parents and friends has been more therapeutic than anything else I could have imagined; it was easy and non-judgmental. Although it did not click right in the start, we got there and eventually it brought me closer to them if anything. My mom has always been my rock, and my bestest friend because I laughed the hardest with her, and everyone who knew me knew that. Even then, it took us a while to get there, for us to openly talk about our lows, seeking help (for instance, I told her about seeing a counselor in my first year) and what we can do (PLUS, what we want one another to STOP doing) to heal our relationship and make it stronger.
I realized how we might have all been in different boats, but we were all treading the same waters: they too were going through episodes in their lives, often silently. Full of tears, smiles and laughs, these talks (and texts) only made me realize the dire need to have these conversations more often. I love these people with very cell of my being and am so grateful for them each day.
Often, having a different upbringing and different conditioning while growing up means we take our own time and pace to learn and to UNLEARN. So, while you’re being patient with yourself, be patient with people you love. Eventually, together you will find your ‘Goldilocks’ spot, the spot where the pieces of the puzzle interlock, the place that is not too much or too less of anything, it feels just right, and it is exactly what you both need -to grow and to glow.
5. You don’t always have to be doing something, you don’t always have to be ‘productive’; next time use the fleeting moment that passes to just ‘BE’ and just breathe. It was not until I flew halfway across the world to University that I realized how much peace just ‘being’ gave me. I remember how I used to feel this strong urge within me to use every fleeting second to plan my next move- to do my readings, check my messages and emails, reply to them instantly, or study, even if I was on vacation, in the middle of a birthday party or had just travelled 5000 miles to surprise my best friend. This often meant I forced myself to do things I never wanted to do, because ‘it was the right thing to do’, it was ‘expected from me’ and not doing it would mean disappointing someone I looked up to.
6. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes: stop criticizing yourself. Next time you make a mistake, be so glad for what you learn from it and carry it forward! Stop telling yourself ‘I told you so!’ or ‘I knew that I/this would not be any good!’- you’re not helping you! Punishing yourself for your mistakes is not going to make you feel any better, not today, and certainly not 5 years down the line!
7. Check in with your limiting beliefs: I enjoyed singing, dancing, recording myself and sharing it with loved ones, but someway in between, I stopped doing this because I felt it was too much, too annoying and no one wanted to watch it anyways! Explore your talents, laugh yourself and at yourself
8. Make a joy list: love what you do and do what you love! Movement of any kind and writing myself a love letter are among my top two favorites here! I love skating, walking, running, playing, swimming. I especially love breaking into a dance whenever I listen to music- it doesn’t matter where I am, who I am with, or what music it is (more often than not, I have no clue of the lyrics or what they mean if they’re not in English). A stranger I recently met told me, ‘it is good to dance, don’t stop, don’t be shy.’, when he caught me stop dancing suddenly when I became conscious and saw him looking at me. Don’t wait for others to stop looking, stop judging or start catching up with your moves- you do you!
Yours truly,
20-year-old (beaming with pride) You
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